Potty Break

So, public restrooms are a place where awkwardness thrives.

How often have you walked into the restroom and found a pube or urine on the seat or skids marks along the toilet bowl and judged the woman in front of you? It’s not like you know anything about her, but from the things left behind in the toilet stall, you know you can never be her friend.

I hate restrooms where the door cracks are a bit too wide and allow you to see a bit too much. I’m not saying I stand in there and stare through the crack, but more often than not, you walk in and look towards the door.  Before you can look away because you realize how revealing the stall is, you’ve already seen the woman in the awkard bend reapplying her tampon.  It’s clear that some man designed that door because a woman would KNOW to keep that crack covered. The things that go on behind the door are far too sacred.

I love restrooms where the stall walls are super tall, and it’s basically a  sound, smell, and sight proof chamber.  No one can see or smell or hear what you’re doing. The only bad thing about that is that you can’t keep carrying on your conversation with your friend. We all know that’s the only reason we go to the potty in groups. And sometimes, you can’t even text because the stall walls are so thick, they are mobile service proof as well.

Restroom sounds are also horridly embarrassing. If you’re too quiet, people know you’re just waiting for them to leave so you can continue your poop. But if you go for it, people can tell the intensity of your poop from the sound of the drop. They know if it’s a big, nasty duke or  little pebbles of poo.  For the record, the sound of grunting in a public restroom is socially unacceptable. That is NEVER under any circumstances okay! I mean, come on! We squeeze children out of our privates; you can handle a turd quietly! Sometimes all of these sound issues even make sharing a stall with a friend a bad choice. (Gasp!)

While using a public restroom can be horrifying, it’s still something for which to be thankful.  In other countries, you have to pay to utilize such facilities. On top of all the other things that make using the bathroom awkward, there is someone attending the restroom who cleans up basically right after you use it. Imagine what she must think of you after she goes in there!

The lesson here today folks is be thankful that you can use the restroom anytime, anywhere. Even if it does embarrass the hell out of you, it’s FREE! (Except for New York apparently!)

H, out.

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This entry was posted in Humor, Random Life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Potty Break

  1. MegAnne says:

    Come to NYC and talk to me about public restrooms. They do not exist. Starbucks is your best bet if you can get past the baristas unnoticed, or you can hoof it to Bryant Park just east of Times Square. Yes public loos are disgusting, but be thankful you have a place to relieve yourself because you live outside of the city that never sleeps.

    Oh and by the way, continued thanks for starting this blog. I truly enjoy myself with every visit. XO

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