So as my school corporation looks to can teachers in an effort to save money, I have to look at my employment options. Am I marketable? Will anyone else hire me?
For about six years of my life, I endured some pretty crappy jobs.
I was the weekend cleaning help at Windsor Residence Halls for two years. I have no interest in ever dumping personal trash bins ever again! So many nasty things… and smells.
I’ve already been a bagger/cart girl at a grocery store. You’ve heard all about that.
I was a cashier and an apparel associate at Dick’s Sporting Goods. I suppose I could go back to that, but those black thingies we pinned on so people couldn’t steal apparel really hurt. I stuck myself so many times with those things.
I could go back to cashiering and rolling burritos at Chipotle. Though, that helped me add some junk in the trunk. Free Chipotle on lunch breaks= bad idea. I also didn’t enjoy getting hot sauce in my eyes after mixing salsa.
I’ve been a camp counselor, but I don’t think living in a bunk and walking through poo water flooding the bathroom is something I can handle for another summer.
I’ve decided to expand my horizons in the job market if teaching doesn’t work out. There’s more out there than retail and restaurants. So far, the jobs I have come up with are:
Hair Model. My hair is what many call long and beautiful. I could be one of those face/hair models on the cover of a weave package or the perm boxes. The only problem: I have a snaggle tooth, and I just can’t rock the closed-mouth smile without looking like an idiot.
Stripper. Upside, I would be the only Lafayette stripper without a C-section scar. Downside, I would run into the fathers of former students. Awkward…
Background Actor. I think I would be very good at pretending to talk in the background of a show. I also believe that I would be able to perfect the smooth moves of the white-person-dance while playing someone at a concert. Downside, I like to be noticed so there’s a good chance I would wear a bright orange parka and get kicked out of production.
Circus Performer. I don’t have any freakish talents that require me to bend in odd ways, and I don’t have any extra appendages. What I do have is a laugh that would put Woody Woodpecker to shame. Unfortunately, that would probably only impress 11 years olds, maybe a three-year old here and there.
Children’s Book Author. As someone who is a child at heart, I think I could be successful at this. Except, I feel like all my stories would have pessimistic messages that would make children cry and parents angry. Stay Away from the Heroine Needle, Sally probably wouldn’t make it in store.
Lifeguard. This would be simply to people watch. I think it’d be interesting to see what people think acceptable swimwear is. I can’t really swim, so I wouldn’t really be much for saving anyone…
But on a serious note, it’s weird to finally be feeling the effects of the recession. I always felt immune to it as a Language Arts teacher. Of course, a job this awesome couldn’t last forever, and they’ve got to do what they’ve got to do. We’ll see.
Whatever happens, I’ll bounce back. I always do!