So, have you ever thought about how much life would stink if you were a disposable razor?

I sometimes try to figure out what would be the worst possible thing in the world to be. Currently, being a tampon is at #1.  A multitude of other items have made the top 10 list as well.  These things include toilet paper, coffee filters, toe nail clippings, disposable razors, Q-tips, dumpsters, floss, boogers, and thongs.

Seriously, think about it.  How awful would it be to be a piece of toilet paper or a disposable razor or a string of floss? Imagine it: you are totally and completely necessary to us (well, to most of us), but after you are used, you are tossed into the toilet or trash.  That’s it.  You do the job, and they are done with you. And to make matters worse, humans are grossed out by you even though they need you.

How horrid to have such an unappreciated (and generally ephemeral) life.

For the most part, we really need these things, but they disgust us after we use them.  As such, we just toss them aside with no thought to it.  And no appreciation! Have you ever found yourself thanking the inventor of coffee filters or thongs? Have you ever thanked your nose for forming boogers for without them you’d have dirt and debris flowing right on into your body through your nasal passage?

I really don’t know why I think about this.  This summer, a friend psychoanalyzed me. She thinks that maybe it’s some fear that resides in the deep recesses of my mind.  A fear that, like these things, I am actually disposable.

Anyhow, I’ve got to clean out this coffee pot and ditch this coffee filter. I just hate the look of wet coffee grind. It really grosses me out.

H, out.

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4 Responses to Disposability

  1. MoRo says:

    I thank my boogers all the time. UNRELATED: I really like matches.

  2. Scott says:

    To paraphrase from the movie trailer for; Men of a Certain Age, “I just bought 300 razors…these might be the last razors I will ever buy”.

    Gulp…I just came into possesion of about 250 razors??????

  3. Bri says:

    Hmmm… I think I will start using this information for insults. For example, “Dude, don’t be such a Q-tip.” It makes way more sense than saying, “Don’t be such a tool,” because tools actually get used over and over again (because that is their purpose in life). But wouldn’t it be an even bigger insult to say, “Don’t be such a coffee filter,” because that just gets used and then tossed to the side.

  4. caFan of your "capacity for language" says:

    Keep on keepn on, lady!

    …so thoughtful, “so distilled, so wonderful, that one doesn’t want to miss any pleasure it might yield”


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