My Dream

I just woke up from a dream where I was attending a weird school, but after lunch where I gorged myself with pizza, I was overcome with sickness.

I rushed to a secret bathroom, but couldn’t puke till the girl in there left. Campus security came to escort her from the bathroom which turned into the dean’s office.

She got in trouble for something then the dean gave me a bag to puke in. As I was puking, my outfit transformed into a teaching outfit so I was a teacher not a student. And as I was puking uncontrollably, I started peeing my pants. I ran back to the bathroom, and then I woke up.

What. The. Hell. Does. That. Dream. Mean? I investigated via Dream Moods and picked out the things that are actually valid right now.

Pizza
To see or eat pizza in your dream represents abundance, choices, and variety. It may also indicate that you are lacking or feeling deprived of something. Alternatively, a pizza may have similar significance to a circle.

Vomiting
To dream that you are vomiting indicates that you need to reject or discard an aspect of your life that is revolting. There are some emotions or concepts that you need to confront and then let go.

Urination
To see urine in your dream represents the feelings you have rejected. Alternatively, the dream may be a pun on your “pissy” attitude.

To dream that you are urinating symbolizes a cleansing and a release of negative or repressed emotions. Depending on your dream context, urination is symbolic of having or lacking basic control of your life. You are literally “pissed off” and not expressing yourself in a positive or constructive manner.

School
Alternatively, a dream that takes place in school may be a metaphor for the lessons that you are learning from your waking life. You may be going through a “spiritual learning” experience.

To dream that you are at a new school means that you are feeling out of place in some situation. Or perhaps there is a new lesson that you need to learn.

Teacher
To dream that you are a teacher indicates that you are in a position of disseminating your knowledge and wisdom to others. The dream may imply how you are “teaching someone a lesson” and giving them a hard time about something. If you are a teacher in real life, then the dream is just a reflection of who you are and is about your work.

Interesting. I think it just means that I want to gorge myself on the rest of Rachel’s pizza rolls.

H, out.

Carpooling

So, I carpool with the art teacher and the counselor. The following moment brought to you by the joys of carpooling:

Me: “I’ve just discovered I have to poo.”

(Moment’s pause.)

Counselor: I can smell it.

(Windows rolled down. Shouting from the art teacher and counselor about how bad it smells. I am laughing in the backseat.)

I’m a classy lady.

H, out.

True Blood Season 4 Finale

Okay, seriously?

There is no way in hell what I just watched is real.

I have an idea of how it will be “fixed,” and I don’t want to write it for fear of giving it away for anyone who isn’t caught up, but WHAT THE HELL????

Not okay. Not okay at all.

H, out.

Cheetos

Today, I looked in the break room and saw that today’s snack was Cheetos. When I got a moment, I ran in to grab some.

They weren’t Cheetos. They were baby carrots. The disappointment I felt was astronomical. Fail.

H, out.

Drug Tests

So, I quit my part-time job today. This job consisted of administering drug tests for the courthouse probation program. It was relatively easy, and it paid $12/hour, and I only had to work 4 hours on Saturday and Sunday morning. What is wrong with such an easy gig you say? You should probably stop reading because I’m about to tell you, and it ain’t cute. In fact, it’s just plain nasty.

We’ll start with the easier things to handle. I had to go into the bathroom with the women (the bathroom was shared with the men, and so it smelled like urine, they always left the seat up, and they often missed), and after they pee, they hand you the cup. This cup is almost always dripping with pee on the sides. I put the cup on a paper towel on the counter and then dip the drug test in it, cap the drug test, and wait. If the test is negative, then I dump the pee in the toilet and toss the  cup in the trash. My issues here are there is this trash can in the rest room filled with cups that are crusted in pee residue. My other issue here is that I now have to walk to the office with this paper towel that the drug test is on, and that grosses me out because there’s a pee ring on the paper towel from where the pee cup was a minute ago.

Once in the office, I have to put the test face down on the copy machine and run a copy. The corner of the copy machine on which I have to put the test is crusted just enough that it grossed me out. Once the copy was made, the test and its pee-ring paper towel were tossed in the trash next to the machine. Also gross. And no one, but me seemed phased by the fact that pee residue was just in the office with us.

So all that grosses me out, but the three things happened that I cannot un-see or un-live. Continuing to work at that place would only add to that list, so I threw in the towel. The events are…

1. A woman was trying desperately to pee and was pushing and pushing, and her pushing resulted in her taking a nasty old dump. The smell filled the restroom, and I had to stand there and be professional, but what I really wanted to do was puke all over the place.

2. (Seriously, if you didn’t believe me about the nastiness of this post, this is probably a good place to stop reading…) A hazard of the job is seeing women’s vaginas when I grab the cup from them. For the most part this isn’t a big deal because it’s just the top and there’s nothing too exciting up there. Last weekend, I saw a vagina that not only was three times the size of a normal one, but all the innards were OUT. It was all just hanging out all over the place, and she was just sitting up normally so there was nothing special about the position she was sitting in. Her vagina was just created to be an outtie, an octopus. It was absolutely, flipping frightening.

3. (Seriously, stop reading…) And finally, I dealt with a woman who warned me that she had a heavy period flow this time around. I was like that’s fine; it happens to the best of us. But no, it was not fine. It wasn’t that a few drops made it into the sample. No, that would be too nice. The entire sample was dark red. She peed dark, bloody urine into the cup and handed it to me. I mean, I hated dealing with pee, but blood is where I draw the line. I took the test like I was supposed to, but I wanted nothing more than to vomit all over this women and quit on the spot.

It was an interesting (and extremely short-lived) experience, but I do not need extra money that bad.

H, out.

Token Black Teacher

Check out my new teacher blog.

I moved all my teacher posts from this blog to it.

H, out.

Broken Smile

So, I had some dental work done today. It involved my mouth being numbed.

My friend described my broken smile perfectly: “You look like my evil grandmother after alzheimer’s set in.”

For your entertainment:

.

Other things that are difficult to to do today: (1) drink from a straw and (2) eat.

H, out.